Drinking wasn’t a going out thing for me. I hardly ever went out to drink places. I drank at home. I day drank, I drank at night, sometimes I’d even drink before noon. It became my normal. Even though I knew it was anything but. I felt so much shame from my drinking, yet I kept doing it. I continued to drink, expecting different results. Expecting to gain happiness, expecting change. I thought I could be better while still drinking. I fully believed I could be good and an alcoholic. It made it even harder that I lived right next door to a gas station that sold beer. And what made it EVEN harder was that the sweet cashier was an old lady who was in AA for years, knowing that made me feel really guilty buying alcohol…. But I still did. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about my alcoholism. I felt that if I asked for help or talked to someone about it that they would judge me. They did judge me. As much as I would like to think that I was normal, I wasn’t. I was a complete mess. Shit. I still kind of am a mess.

Until next time,

The Sober Mommy