It felt like waves crashing against rocks, knots in my stomach that sent shocks

Through my entire body that ultimately made me feel numb

But not only numb, no, I felt dumb. 

I knew that what I was doing was wrong, I don’t know what held me there for so long. 

I didn’t see a problem with the way that I was living, and I’m so lucky that I have a God that is so forgiving.

But wow, to think about all that I could have done, it’s such a shame that I really thought that I was having fun

The pain comes in waves and in moments of weakness it hasn’t been long enough to feel like I have made any progress 

I am so much happier now that I’m not drinking, my mind has some clarity and  don’t always feel like I’m sinking. 

I never thought I would be sober, what’s even more sad is that I never thought I would NEED to be sober. 

Life is kind of funny that way in that you never really know what will happen one day

You know they say there is no rainbow without a storm, and without change you can never reform. 

Sobriety hasn’t been the smoothest ride, there were so many days I felt like I could have died

Constantly trying to convince myself it wouldn’t hurt to have just one

But one is never just one and one is never enough

I’m choosing not to drink for me. For the first time in my life I actually feel free.

Not chained to the thought that I need a drink to be happy, not tied to the idea that alcohol makes life fun not crappy. 

Life is fun without a drink. It feels so nice to finally think.